Whose Fault is it, Anyway?

That’s the million dollar (million calorie?) question these days. I mean, I’ve slipped. Slipped, and fallen face first into dessert and beer.

I fully admit that I’ve made some poor choices in the 3 weeks we had at home after we left our last ship. And some more poor choices while in Chicago rehearsing (but not a ton). And even worse choices in our first 2.5 weeks on our new contract. What can I say, we had a time.

But, where did all this extra weight come from? (I know, I know!)

Do you do that? Do you clip along, doing well – eating well, working out, focussing – and then take ‘a break’ which becomes what feels like a total turn-around?

I hear a lot of “don’t worry about it, you’re doing so well, don’t be so hard on yourself” “you deserve a break”, and I slip into somnolent eating and exercise habits thinking “Yeah, I have worked hard. I DO deserve a break.”

And BAM! 10 pounds.

BAM! Running is HARD, my pace is slowed and I feel jiggles that I haven’t felt in a long time (gross).

BAM! Negative self talking abounds.

“You’re so lazy. You’re so fat. How could you blow it like that, now you have to work to get back where you WERE when you could be advancing even FARTHER instead. Two steps forward, one step back is still STEPPING BACK. You think you’re going to have it in you to run a marathon? Much less TWO?”

So, I’m a grouch to be around and there’s a part of me who wants to lay this at someone else’s feet. It can’t possibly be my fault that I’m screwing up, right? I am listening to the wrong people. Right? Or is it really on me to stand my ground, despite feeling like No-Fun Nancy when the world around me wants to drink another beer and have a pile of fries and a burger. (It is, I know it is. I’ve learned that you just can’t ever stop. Sigh.)

As we visit each of our ports here in Alaska, I realize that my entire frame of reference for each town revolves around a) the best food (hm, that sounds like a whole post on it’s own), and b) where we can get decent internet. (Hint: there isn’t any.)

That’s right. Here we are, surrounded by the beauty and majesty of almost unsullied wilderness, and I’m gobbling cupcakes and crab legs and trying to check my twitter feed. (@irunonwater) What a dope!

I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to set goals. So here I go. Here are the GOALS for August.
Get organized – I will set up a schedule for writing and workouts. I want to be a more reliable blogger, and so devoting my time to writing is advisable.

Follow my program – I have printed up the Dopey Challenge Training program set up by Jeff Galloway and I’m crossing off the workouts as I go. I’m not doing the full Dopey, but I am doing the 10K and the Goofy, so why not just train like I’m doing it all, right? Besides, I can keep Greg company. We are also doing P90X weight training on our non-run days because I felt like that helped me lose weight and get faster for my last half marathon. We’ve even put together a calendar, because I’m a visually prompted person, and I really like crossing things off. Big old nerd.

Cleanse – We have begun our bi-annual cleanse. We use a cleanse kit from Trader Joe’s, and follow their diet recommendations as best as possible considering our life is a buffet.

Track – I have myfitnesspal.com account (bubbersa – join me!) and I will be tracking my calories in (and calories burned). It’s all about the math, baby!

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a schedule!

This may seem like a lot to commit to right away (or maybe it doesn’t, I’ve never done this, so I don’t know) but those last two are very important to me. I need to feel like I’m in control and I see a way out of my current grouchy despair.

I also need to feel like I can see a way out of this darn muffin top I’m sporting. I mean, come ON!

So what productive steps do you take when the negative self talk turns into negative self shouting and you just can’t stand it anymore?


tabethawells View All →

I am an actor/writer/director based in Chicago, IL.

3 Comments Leave a comment

  1. I so get you! I think life is like that – up’s and down’s. What defines us as people is how do we cope when we find ourselves in a difficult spot. I love the calendar idea. For me, commiting to blogging about it also helps to self motivate. It always amazes me that people actually do follow blogs and that support can be overwhelmingly positive. 2primcessesontherun will be there for you so get your groove back on!

    • Thanks girl! It’s great to have running pals like you, but it’s also funny how knowing strangers are reading really holds you up both in accountability and support.
      I can’t wait to hear how your experience at Disneyland goes!

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